how are you walking around like that?
Sometimes I forget how far I've come in the past few years. If it weren't for my fine-tuned mirror neurons, I might not be able to remember the paralyzing tightness in my throat, the visceral weight in my belly, the feeling like my chest is under an anvil.
I might forget that most of us walk around all day feeling this constantly. I can't believe I did it. How was I just walking around like that?!
The perpetual anxiety of work stress, and the stress of being a person in the world--every day, we get handed a new brick by our culture, both inside work and out of it. Shame, trauma, criticism, comparisons, being told we're not enough. New day, new brick.
And, being people pleasers, we assume we need to carry it. Why else would they pick me to hand it to? So we put it in our backpack, and keep walking.
Our shoulders ache, and we blame ourselves for not being stronger.
Our feet hurt, and we ask why they can't just move faster.
And the backpack gets heavily and heavier.
It took me about a year of full-time unpacking to finally set that backpack of bricks down. Most people don't have the privilege to just up and start their own company in a less triggering/inflammatory environment. I am lucky to have been able to flail around in search of relief relatively efficiently.
I've written about how I did it in past emails--you know the drill. Breathwork was the most important tactic. Sitting with my emotions was next--even when it meant I was a puddle on the floor, which is pretty uncomfortable. Completing the stress cycle every day, chipping away, until it was finally all gone.
I still get handed bricks every day, but I have time carved out to set it down every day, too. No one promised us life would be weightless.
The most profound thing I learned was that those visceral, physical sensations in my throat, chest and belly were REAL. NOT IMAGINARY. Literally, they have an anatomy and a physiology involving the ventral vagus nerve. There's a whole field called polyvagal theory dedicated to it.
And when you intervene on the physical/physiological level, you can feel better literally instantly. But you do have to stop for a sec--to set the brick down.
Here's a 9-minute meditation (designed to be palatable to people who hate meditation). You will feel better instantly.
(Clicking this image will send you to the video on YouTube:)
How are you walking around like that? Stop and do this meditation instead, especially for the moments leading up to interviews or negotiations. I have one client who puts a few minutes on her calendar before big meetings so she can do this type of centering and get confident on command. Boss moves.
But really, you can do it anytime you want to feel better.
Imagine that--you can feel better anytime you want, with no spiritual or emotional bypassing, no toxic positivity, no avoidance of tough emotions or realities of injustice. It's just you and your bod, finally working together again.
Try it--maybe this reclaimed sense of agency will be the crack in the dam blocking your confidence like it was for me. I hope so.
One brick at a time. I'll be here for you.